they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
