I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
