Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize