you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
