idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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