Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
