I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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