I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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