jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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