i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
