i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
