i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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