I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
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I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.