thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...