Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote

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  (914): I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote http://tfl.nu/0x07
  Replies (37) Good night (3770) Bad night (827)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.

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  (970): she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park. http://tfl.nu/5xdu
  Replies (11) Good night (1069) Bad night (4166)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out

  (440): View more from Ohio

  seek help.

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  (216): I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out (440): seek help. http://tfl.nu/dyh0
  Replies (24) Good night (5232) Bad night (845)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously

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  (770): That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously http://tfl.nu/fxay
  Replies (28) Good night (3414) Bad night (1456)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag

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  (781): Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag http://tfl.nu/xidr
  Replies (4) Good night (2411) Bad night (945)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.

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  (804): French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops. http://tfl.nu/0hfd
  Replies (5) Good night (2235) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?

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  (608): Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad? http://tfl.nu/ac75
  Replies (4) Good night (896) Bad night (2418)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on

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  (616): Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on http://tfl.nu/6qf1
  Replies (2) Good night (1125) Bad night (581)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage

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  (608): and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage http://tfl.nu/5cg3
  Replies (0) Good night (460) Bad night (895)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing

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  (614): i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing http://tfl.nu/j284
  Replies (12) Good night (973) Bad night (415)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.

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  (931): Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close. http://tfl.nu/0xt0
  Replies (3) Good night (993) Bad night (776)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.

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  (937): Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though. http://tfl.nu/d5b6
  Replies (0) Good night (552) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society

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  (905): I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society http://tfl.nu/2bvl
  Replies (1) Good night (550) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?

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  (402): Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet? http://tfl.nu/47yu
  Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (486)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.

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  (203): If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch. http://tfl.nu/ld4a
  Replies (1) Good night (405) Bad night (225)

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