Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.

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  (813): I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this. http://tfl.nu/6tpg
  Replies (32) Good night (663) Bad night (3158)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?

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  (860): Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be? http://tfl.nu/i247
  Replies (10) Good night (6697) Bad night (597)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again

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  (912): then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again http://tfl.nu/50xv
  Replies (28) Good night (976) Bad night (4861)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

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  (425): Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack. http://tfl.nu/ptag
  Replies (32) Good night (1315) Bad night (8795)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.

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  (734): debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book. http://tfl.nu/o0qf
  Replies (22) Good night (1028) Bad night (4006)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives

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  (215): I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives http://tfl.nu/ehnp
  Replies (6) Good night (2002) Bad night (870)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.

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  (651): i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/14sr
  Replies (5) Good night (2902) Bad night (844)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?

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  (970): just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast? http://tfl.nu/o6g0
  Replies (8) Good night (1144) Bad night (3077)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.

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  (616): She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs. http://tfl.nu/e8xn
  Replies (6) Good night (1953) Bad night (663)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?

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  (513): Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail? http://tfl.nu/pghy
  Replies (6) Good night (1577) Bad night (529)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  How high are you?

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  (561): Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter. (1-561): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/9cbn
  Replies (18) Good night (887) Bad night (1511)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building

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  (586): Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building http://tfl.nu/p9dh
  Replies (4) Good night (1130) Bad night (454)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family

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  (519): Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family http://tfl.nu/9fi5
  Replies (0) Good night (348) Bad night (735)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time

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  (928): So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time http://tfl.nu/6mpm
  Replies (5) Good night (1348) Bad night (272)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.

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  (860): You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night. http://tfl.nu/3rw4
  Replies (0) Good night (489) Bad night (200)

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