I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?