I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.