His pubic hair was longer than his dick
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize