Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
