a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
