He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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