The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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