i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
