I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
