My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Of course I have a pirate flag
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
