yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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