yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
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No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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