Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
