Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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