sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I deserve this hangover.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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