Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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