closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
