2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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