I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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