i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
