so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
