I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
