y did u give ur computer a hand job?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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