you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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