um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
