I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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