my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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