He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
