did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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