Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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