I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
