He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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