Someone shit on the floor
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
