You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
