is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
