I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
