Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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