Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
