He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
