I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
