i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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