Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
