thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
