Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
