he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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