why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Alive.
So much puke
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
