She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
