Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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