Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
