This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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