i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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