He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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