so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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