your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
