My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
