2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
