I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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