Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
