Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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