We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
