I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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