All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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