it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
