SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
