Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
