No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
