I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
