Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
