you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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