obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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