If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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