Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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