Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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