There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
