Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
